Did Pressure to Nurse Their Babies Contribute to These Moms’ Suicides?

It may be difficult for many to understand, but the pressure to nurse a baby today can be extremely overwhelming to a new mother.

In two related stories, nursing is even suggested as a contributing factor to the suicides of two young moms. On the outside, these moms had everything to live for, while on the inside they were struggling terribly — and must have felt completely alone.

“For all the new moms experiencing low mood or anxiety, please seek help and talk about your feelings. You’re not alone.”

New dad Kim Chen of British Columbia, Canada, penned a personal and moving Facebook post on Jan. 17 detailing his wife’s experience with postpartum depression, which led to her suicide. As Chen explained, his wife, Florence Leung, went missing on Oct. 25, 2016. Her body was discovered off the coast of Vancouver three weeks later.

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“I have been living in survival mode: living a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time — exactly like many people taught me to do,” he wrote. “Living at the moment is truly the only way to go through this at this stage. As the initial shock and emotional numbness slowly subside, I’m experiencing more flashbacks of memories from our 6.5 years of happiness, and for now these memories tend to trigger pain and intense longing.”

Then, Chen connected problems with nursing their son to his late wife’s struggles. He advised: “For all the new moms experiencing low mood or anxiety, please seek help and talk about your feelings. You are Not alone. You are Not a bad mother. Do not EVER feel bad or guilty about not being able to ‘exclusively breastfeed,’ even though you may feel the pressure to do so based on posters in maternity wards, brochures in prenatal classes, and teachings at breastfeeding classes.”

He continued: “Apparently the hospitals are designated ‘baby-friendly’ only if they promote exclusive-breastfeeding. I still remember reading a handout upon Flo’s discharge from hospital with the line, ‘Breast Milk Should Be the Exclusive Food For the Baby for the First Six Months.’ I also remember posters on the maternity unit: ‘Breast is Best.’ While agreeing to the benefits of breast milk, there NEEDs to be an understanding that it is OK to supplement with formula, and that formula is a completely viable option.”

Dr. Tamar Gur, a women’s health expert and reproductive psychiatrist at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, told Self that failing at breastfeeding can seem disastrous to a mother. “For women who are suffering from postpartum depression, having difficulty breastfeeding can feel like a life-and-death matter,” she said. “They feel that they have completely failed as a mother.”

Related: Baby Bottle Brouhaha Rages On

In his Facebook post, Chen linked to a powerful article about another new mother who committed suicide, and again, breastfeeding was specifically mentioned.

Julie Anne Waterfield wrote movingly on Herviewfromhome.com about her friend Allison Goldstein, a fellow Army wife from Chesterfield, Virginia, who also lost a battle with postpartum depression. Although not attributing her friend’s suicide exclusively to the pressure to nurse, she included this in her tribute to her lost friend — who took her life in June 2016:

“To those breast-feeding mothers taking Reglan [metoclopramide] to increase milk supply: stop and do research. Reglan has detrimental side effects such as new or worsening depression, suicidal ideation and suicide. Supplement with formula if needed. Your baby will be just as perfect and healthy with or without the breast milk. Having more breast milk is not worth sacrificing your mental health or possibly your life.”

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“I look back now and see how vulnerable I was, how unable I was to make a decision on my own.”

A mom of two small children from Stoneham, Massachusetts, remembers her struggle to discontinue nursing.

“I had blown this decision up in my mind to being on par with depriving my three-month-old baby of oxygen or clothing or baths, due to pressure from pediatricians and all the parenting material I was reading at the time,” she told LifeZette. “Finally, I called my gynecologist, who was also a new mom, and she said, ‘You need to do what is best for you both. Your child is 100 percent dependent on you, and your happiness and health matters. Discontinue nursing if you like — he will be fine, I promise!'”

She reflected, “And he was, of course. I look back now and see how vulnerable I was, how unable I was to make a decision on my own. Did I have postpartum depression? Maybe — maybe every mom does, at least a little bit. That extra pressure — we don’t need it.”

The 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline hotline is 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).