Breaking Up by Text: Five Steps to Survive It

Breaking up is hard to do, goes the old song.

Well, maybe it used to be, when you had to tell the victim in person. Nowadays, many people just send a text message.

Whether you think it’s cool or not to break up by text, here are a few basic rules to follow if it happens to you:

Rule #1: Don’t Respond Immediately
Let’s assume you’re waiting for your love interest to pick you up for a date, and you suddenly and unexpectedly get a text saying it’s not gonna happen tonight — or ever, in fact. No one would blame you for being a tad angry.

You’d be tempted to write back immediately, no doubt a snarky hot blast. Don’t. Calm down first. Take a long shower or go for a run. Don’t get drunk, go to this person’s house and have a screaming match. You’ll feel like a fool when you sober up.

Rule #2: Express Your Feelings Politely
That said, be honest about how you feel. If you weren’t that into them, just write back a polite “thanks for the good times and see you around.” If your relationship was more intense and you’ve been blindsided, say so in diplomatic terms. If what has disappointed you is the breakup via text, say so.

Rule #3: Check Your Reply Messages with a Friend
Having a friend who is honest with you has never been more important than at this time. Think carefully about which friend to call to honestly assess your proposed reply. Choose the one who’ll tell you frankly that you’ll sound a bit psycho if you send this message.

Rule #4: Remove Their Contact Details
If, after this breakup, you have no interest in just being friends, delete your former love pursuit’s details. All of them. That way you won’t be tempted to make contact again.

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Rule #5: Minimize the Breakup
The aim of this rule is to come to see the positive side of the breakup. You do this by imagining scenarios in which a breakup by text could have been worse. For example: “At least he didn’t text me right before I started tripping down the altar.” Or, “at least she didn’t text me during the game.”

The sun will soon start to shine again if you think this way.

Related: Rekindling the Romance

Breaking up via text message may not be the most honorable way to end things, but we have to realize that it’s the modern equivalent of the “Dear John” envelope left on the mantelpiece. Our suggestion is that you don’t let it eat you up. Move on, and move up.

This article originally appeared in SheKnows and is used by permission.

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