As senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church in Hazleton, Pennsylvania, I often have faith-based questions brought to my attention from people from all over — and from all walks of life. I do my best to answer them always! Here, I answer a question that came my way from an acquaintance in another state.

Question: I love my church but don’t like my new pastor. He is abrasive and talks down to the congregation. I want to continue attending services every week — this is “my church,” after all, one I’ve attended for over 20 years. But my family and I feel uncomfortable with this new leader. What do I do?

Answer: The first thing we must recognize about church leaders is that they are human beings just like the rest of us. Pastors aren’t super-human — they have mortgages, electric bills, car repairs, and worries like everyone else.  Have you ever had a bad day, where you were obviously short-tempered or impatient? Your pastor has those days, too.

Does he realize he is coming across as harsh and unkind?

We never want to excuse bad behavior, but in addressing this question we need to remember to show grace and patience with this pastor. Imagine the stresses he’s under adjusting to a new city, church, and congregation. He may be a Christian, but he isn’t perfect. In that sense, he’s just like you.

If your pastor is consistently displaying an abrasive or condescending attitude, the first thing to do is request a meeting with him, where you can talk face to face. This is the Bible’s prescription (Matthew 18:15) — not privately complaining or potentially gossiping behind the scenes.

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Meet with your pastor one evening after work, or invite him for a morning coffee. Begin with prayer, then highlight a few of your pastor’s strengths. After you encourage him about what he is doing well, speak the truth in love about your concern (Ephesians 4:15). Does he realize he is coming across as harsh and unkind? Does he understand that his condescending tone and abrasive style is offending folks? Give some very specific examples of how and where this has happened in recent weeks.

If you have a humble and godly pastor, he will probably thank you for being so forthcoming with constructive criticism. He will appreciate that you cared enough to talk to him about a potential “blind spot” in his ministry.  Scripture says: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6); and, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

Related: Sermon Spotlight: Even When Others Harm Us, We Need Love

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As a result of your meeting, your pastor may issue a public apology, pledging to do a better job with his words and attitude in future days.  He may even ask you to pray for him — especially on Sundays, when the tensions and pressures of ministry are the greatest.

However, the fact that you took the time to speak to your pastor one-on-one will demonstrate that you genuinely care about his leadership and the overall health of your church. By God’s grace, your conversation will lead to an even better relationship with your new pastor — and a healthy congregation that benefits from his ever-increasing Christ-likeness.

Pastor Ryan Day is senior pastor of Grace Baptist Church in Hazleton, Pennsylvania, where he has served for 18 years. He is a regular contributor to LifeZette.